Girl Meets the Express
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: When Wade finally completes his teleportation device, he brings RK along with him and they end up in New York City, where they meet Riley Matthews, her best friend Maya Hart, and the rest of her unique friends and family.
1. Girl Meets the Express Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 5

EPISODE 29

Airdate: May 21, 2017

"Girl Meets the Express" (Season Finale)

Special Guest Stars: Rowan Blanchard as Riley Matthews, Sabrina Carpenter as Maya Hart/Sarah Bennett, Ben Savage as Cory Matthews, Danielle Fishel as Topanga Lawrence-Matthews, August Maturo as Auggie Matthews, Peyton Meyer as Lucas Friar, Amir Mitchell-Townes as Isaiah "Zay" Babineaux, Corey Fogelmanis as Farkle Minkus, Cecilia Balagot as Isadora Smackle

 _#_ _TYH529_

SCENE 1

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade is shown smiling at a confused RK sitting on a couch._

RK: Dude, are you going to say something? Because you've just been smiling at me for the past five minutes.

WADE: Oh. Right, I invited you here. Well, RK, the time has come for me to unveil my brand new teleportation device. It took a lot longer than expected, but it's finally ready for a test drive.

RK: And you want me to come with you, prompting another crazy sci-fi extravaganza of epic proportions?!

WADE: No, we're not doing that. But you are coming with me to try jumping back and forth from place to place.

RK: Ah, man. I thought we were gonna wrestle gladiators in alternate dimensions or challenge monsters to eating contests.

WADE: RK, do you know what it means to teleport?

RK: I don't know, man. I just needed to get out of the house for a few hours.

WADE: Why don't we start off our adventure with something simple?

SCENE 2

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade walks towards the teleporter with RK right behind him._

WADE: This is it, RK. Feast your eyes on it. Admire it. Be in awe of it. Just don't breathe on it or make it weird. This is science, not one of your little fantasies.

RK: Are we going to use this thing or are you going to keep patting yourself on the back?

WADE: Alright, alright, let's get this show on the road. I know exactly where to go for our first stop.

 _Wade and RK step on the teleporter. Wade presses a button on his teleportation remote and they vanish into thin air._

SCENE 3

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _A bored Buster is watching TV that day._

BUSTER: Yawn. What a boring, uninteresting day. God, please let something happen to me today.

 _At that point, RK and Wade appear in front of the TV._

BUSTER: Aaah, what the hell is...

RK: Hi Buster.

BUSTER: But you guys...how did...

RK: Bye Buster.

 _RK and Wade then vanish. A shocked Buster looks up at the ceiling._

BUSTER: Come on, man, if I said I wanted it to rain poisonous frogs, would you make that happen too?!

 _A frantic Buster quickly pulls out his phone and starts calling someone._

BUSTER: Come on. Pick up, pick up!

SPARKY: Hey Buster. What's up?

BUSTER: SPARKY, RK AND WADE ARE MAGICIANS!

SPARKY: What?

BUSTER: I just saw them in my living room. They were here for one second, then all of a sudden, it's like they just disappeared! They have magic powers now!

SPARKY: Dude, you probably just saw something you thought was RK and Wade and freaked out. They don't have magic powers.

BUSTER: How do you know that?! I know what I saw, Sparky! We have to investigate. Call the police, the SWAT team, GET JA RULE ON THE PHONE! ANYBODY THAT CAN HELP US DO SOMETHING!

SPARKY: Buster, it's 1:38 in the afternoon and you're screaming in my ear. I don't appreciate this.

SCENE 3

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

 _Wade and RK return on the original launching pad of the teleporter._

WADE: Okay, we've hit Buster's place, the school, Ike's, the laundromat, and the tattoo parlor that was closed down after multiple homicides. This was a great test run.

RK: Yeah, this surely was the cat's meow. Wade, I don't mean to be rude, but I figured bouncing back and forth from place to place would be way more exciting than this. I left my house expecting some _Game of Thrones_ shit, but all I've been getting is _Postcards from Buster_ shit.

WADE: What do you know about _Game of Thrones_?

RK: I know KG doesn't even allow himself to watch it anymore.

WADE: Look, if it means anything to you to get some big epic odyssey, we'll go someplace new. But just know that this may be what you want, but it's not really what you need.

RK: Yeah, yeah, sure, all that's cool, but let's go.

WADE: Alright, I'm only following you here.

 _RK and Wade step onto the teleporter. There is an awkward pause for a few seconds._

RK: Well?

WADE: Well, what?

RK: Are we gonna go anywhere or what?

WADE: I just put the remote on random mode. Right now, it's up to the device itself to pick our destination for us.

RK: Oh, I get it. The road decided on is the road less traveled, right?

WADE: No. You almost had something insightful there to say, but no.

SCENE 4

The Matthews Household

Interior Riley's Bedroom

New York, New York

 _Riley and Maya are sitting at the bay window together. Riley is smiling while Maya looks around, confused._

RILEY: What are we doing today, Peaches?

MAYA: I don't know. But you're smiling a lot today so who knows what's going to happen?

RILEY: I just feel like something's really special in the air today. Life could drop in an unexpected visitor, life could tell us an important secret. Life is about to give us something that could change the way we think forever.

MAYA: Do you always have to see life as some dramatic, game-changing event?

RILEY: Of course it is. What do you see it as?

MAYA: I'll get back to you on that. I'm too lazy to think right now.

 _At that point, RK and Wade fall through a small portal and crash land on the floor of Riley's room._

WADE: Ow!

RK: Dammit! Ugh, my back. Now I'm going to have to force myself to see Dr. Krieger.

WADE: What the...

 _RK and Wade begin to realize where they are as they look around the room a bit, while never locking eyes with a visibly shocked Riley and Maya._

RK: Wait a minute. Colorful carpeting? Clothes scattered around the room? A walk-in closet?! Wade, where the hell did your machine take us?!

WADE: According to the teleportation remote, we're somewhere in the Greenwich Village of New York City.

MAYA: Wait, who are you...

RILEY: STRANGERS!

 _Riley pulls out her whistle and blows it before Maya can stop her, causing RK and Wade to scream out of fear._

RK: Are you insane? What's the matter with you?

RILEY: You two are unknown people that dropped into my life out of nowhere. I don't know what the universe brought you here to do with me, but the answer is no.

WADE: We don't even know who you are! What intentions could we possibly have?

MAYA: Don't take it personally, guys. She blows that whistle every time she meets a new person.

RILEY: I only blew this whistle on you when you stole my crayon.

MAYA: I was giving it back to you. You said I could use it!

RILEY: That doesn't mean I'm easily trusting.

RK: Wade, I wanna go home now. I've seen enough.

WADE: Hang on a minute, RK. These two seem peculiar yet interesting. Maybe we should find out more about them.

RK: Well, whoever the brunette is, she needs a CAT scan. Hi, I'm RK Jennings.

WADE: And I'm Wade Saltalamacchia. We're best friends on a teleportation trip.

MAYA: I'm Maya Hart and this is my best friend, Riley Matthews.

RILEY: Welcome to our world, young strangers!

RK: You just blew the stranger danger whistle on us and now you're the welcoming committee?

RILEY: Life always has a place for welcoming new friends. That's what my daddy taught me.

MAYA: Secret of life.

RILEY: Maya, that's not the secret of life.

MAYA: What makes you think I listen to what your dad says in class?

WADE: Wait a minute. Your father's a teacher?

RILEY: Yeah. He taught us history in junior high and now he's teaching us in high school.

RK: Okay, now I have a few theories as to why you ended up this way.

 _The kids hear knocking at the door._

CORY: Riley, is everything okay in there?

RK: Oh no! Wade, hit the deck! They can't spot us!

WADE: You read my mind, buddy.

 _RK and Wade disappear when Wade presses his teleportation remote. Cory and Topanga then walk in._

TOPANGA: Riley, is everything okay? You blew the whistle.

RILEY: Oh yeah, Mom. Everything's fine. I thought I saw that guy who throws apples at the window again.

CORY: I'm surprised nobody's taken that guy to the precinct yet.

TOPANGA: Well, until he proves he's a danger to the community, they don't really have a case.

CORY: There's always a stupid catch. Well, guys, wash up. It's almost time for lunch.

RILEY: Wait a minute, what day is this?

MAYA: It's Saturday.

RILEY: That's what I thought, but it really feels like a Tuesday to me.

 _Cory and Topanga leave the room. A few seconds later, RK and Wade reappear._

MAYA: Okay, you guys have to show us how to do that.

WADE: It's simple. All I did was teleport back to my house, then reverse the original coordinates which brought us back here.

RILEY: Go on.

WADE: That's it.

MAYA: So do you guys live around here?

RK: No, we're actually from Seattle.

RILEY: Then what in the world made you guys come all the way to the other side of the country?

RK: The thrill of adventure.

WADE: I just put my remote on random mode and for some inexplicable reason, we ended up here.

RK: Yeah, sure, de-legitimize my previous statement.

MAYA: You know, we would love to chat some more, but it's time for lunch.

RILEY: Why can't they come, Peaches?

MAYA: Because, sweetie, they can't be seen. They're traveling with advanced technology and can't draw attention to themselves.

RILEY: I don't know what I would do without you.

MAYA: Please, between us, you're the ray of sunshine.

RILEY: The universe knows every day with you is a sunny day.

 _Beat._

RK: Am I the only one who doesn't know what the f*** this is?

WADE: You know, we actually want to hang around you guys some more.

RK: We do?

WADE: Yes, we do. Where could we go to hang out until then?

RILEY: You could go to my mother's bakery, Topanga's. Our friends should be there too.

WADE: Okay, cool. We'll meet up then.

RILEY: Yay, this is great! We have new friends! Life knows what we want!

MAYA: Hey, what I want right now is whatever your folks are serving.

RILEY: You know, Maya, I always wondered why I never get to eat at your place.

MAYA: Do you really want the answer to that question?

RILEY: Not necessarily.

MAYA: There you go.

 _Riley and Maya then leave the room._

WADE: They seem really nice. Kinda strange, but really nice simultaneously.

RK: Well, Maya's cool, but Riley gives me the creeps. She's older than KG, why is she acting like a female Peter Pan?

WADE: Hey, some people are like that. Maybe she didn't have a normal childhood.

RK: Please, Michael Jackson didn't have a normal childhood. This girl's in her second childhood. Let's go before anyone else catches us, or we could just go home and pretend this never happened.

WADE: I don't know. I just get this strange urge to know more about Riley and Maya and explore their world. Don't you?

RK: I guess when you put it that way, I feel the same. Almost like this was supposed to happen.

WADE: Exactly. So how are we going to escape when we can't be seen by Riley's parents?

RK: We could just use the fire escape.

WADE: Are you insane? We'll kill ourselves!

RK: Wade, it's a fire escape. And we don't have many options.

WADE: So I guess we're just going to rule out the possibility of teleporting to Topanga's?

 _Beat._

RK: See, that's why you're here, Wade. To give the logic to situations. Alright, let's get out of here.

 _Wade presses his remote and he and RK vanish._

SCENE 5

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster brings Jaylynn into his house by grabbing her arm._

BUSTER: See, it was right here. Right near the TV about twenty minutes ago. This is the spot where RK and Wade showed up and then poofed away. I'm telling you, it's insane.

JAYLYNN: What's insane is the fact that I was showering when you called me, and even after I was dressed, you showed up to my house to drag me to absolutely nothing.

BUSTER: Jaylynn, this isn't a joke.

JAYLYNN: I don't think it is either. I think it's really f***ing stupid.

BUSTER: Look, the fact of the matter is, RK and Wade have magic powers and I caught them. I bet the next time I see them, they'll knock me out and tell me not to expose them.

JAYLYNN: Buster, if you're so sure that RK and Wade have magic powers, why don't you just call them and ask?

BUSTER: No one's just going to admit to that, Jaylynn. This is bigger than us. This is a matter of life and death. This is something that will change the world as we know it.

JAYLYNN: This is something that happens when you don't get enough sleep. Just call them, dammit.

BUSTER: Alright. Bossing me around and whatnot. You're probably in on it and just not wanting to expose yourself.

 _Buster calls RK's number and it starts ringing._

BUSTER: So you're excited for the last day of school?

JAYLYNN: Do you really care what I think?

BUSTER: Of course, I do.

JAYLYNN: Okay, well, I guess...

BUSTER: Hang on, Sparky, I'm talking to RK. So you thought you could get away with it, didn't you?

 _Cut to RK and Wade in front of Topanga's._

RK: Get away with what? What are you talking about?

BUSTER: I'm talking about the fact that you and Wade came here and disappeared like nobody's business. Thought you could pull the okie doke, but Buster don't play that.

RK: You know, I would love to sit here and chat with you about that, but Wade and I have a busy day ahead of us. We're in New York City.

BUSTER: What the hell are you guys in New York for?

RK: What the...well, I never!

 _RK hangs up the phone._

WADE: Why did you hang up?

RK: The nerve of that boy talking to me like that. Did you not hear that?

WADE: Call him back, man.

RK: Later. In the meantime, let's get a muffin while we wait for Riley and Maya.

 _Cut to Buster and Jaylynn_.

BUSTER: Okay, so apparently, they're in New York. Can you believe that?

JAYLYNN: It's really something. Could I go back home and finish my shower?

BUSTER: Jaylynn, did you not hear what I said? RK AND WADE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY!

JAYLYNN: Oh, I heard what you said. I just don't think it's my place to care about it.

SCENE 6

Topanga's

Interior Booth

New York, New York

 _RK and Wade are eating muffins in the booth normally occupied by Riley and her friends. RK looks around the bakery in suspicion._

RK: Wade, does this count as our summer trip?

WADE: No, of course not.

RK: Good, 'cause we can do way better than this. So this is Topanga's. Nice little bistro or deli or something.

WADE: I thought it was a coffee shop.

RK: It just might be, but who really knows?

 _At this point, Farkle, Lucas, Smackle, and Zay walk into the bakery._

LUCAS: Zay, I just don't see the point in copying my notes if you don't study for the test.

ZAY: Oh, I don't really like studying. I just want Mr. Matthews to know I didn't waste class time.

FARKLE: Hey, who are those guys in our booth?

ZAY: Oh, so we leave for one day and people think they own it. Now that's just bad manners.

SMACKLE: I'm sure if we ask them nicely, they'll be happy to give it back to us.

 _The guys walk over to RK and Wade._

LUCAS: Hey, guys, you're kinda sitting in our booth there.

RK: Is your name on it?

LUCAS: No.

RK: Then go away. Stupid teenagers trying to harass little kids.

WADE: Look, if you guys want the booth, we'll go. We're just waiting for some people.

RK: No, we won't. Wade, these are New Yorkers, the toughest bunch in the country. If we don't stand our ground now, we're going to regret it for the rest of our lives!

 _Wade takes a closer look at the guys._

WADE: I don't think these are the kind of New Yorkers we need to worry about. Come on, let's go somewhere else.

 _RK and Wade leave the booth at that point._

FARKLE: So Lucas, how was your date with Riley the other day?

LUCAS: Oh, it was cool. We went to go see _Trolls_.

ZAY: Why? Did you lose a bet or something?

LUCAS: No, that's just the movie Riley wanted to see. She thought one of the trolls sounded like Justin Timberlake and when I said it was him, she told me I was a dirty liar.

SMACKLE: I don't get why people just sit around and watch two hours of CGI-animated marketing strategies.

ZAY: You told me one of your favorite movies was _Peabody and Sherman_.

SMACKLE: That's different! It was a social commentary on time travel!

RK: Hey, wait a minute. Did you just mention Riley?

LUCAS: Yeah, I'm her boyfriend. Wait, am I allowed to say that on camera? _Beat._ Yeah, I'm Riley's boyfriend.

RK: Oh, well, in that case, I'm sorry for being so short with you. Riley and Maya are actually who we're waiting for.

FARKLE: How do you guys know Riley and Maya?

WADE: Well, we ended up teleporting here randomly to New York and ended up in Riley's room.

ZAY: Oh, come on, do you really think we're stupid enough to fall for that?

 _Wade takes out his teleportation remote._

ZAY: Well, I'm sold. I want to go to Vegas! I want to gamble and drink my first glass of wine!

LUCAS: Zay, I don't think that...

ZAY: SHUT UP, LUCAS. DON'T KEEP ME AWAY FROM MY DREAM!

FARKLE: This is miraculous. How were you successfully able to complete teleportation?

SMACKLE: Yeah, honestly, I'm skeptical about how you pulled this off.

RK: Hey, don't question the work of my boy. He has absolutely nothing to prove to any of you.

WADE: Oh, don't worry about it, RK. They just want to know how it's done. But we can't do it here.

LUCAS: Why not?

WADE: Because this technology is state of the art and ahead of its time. It gets into the wrong hands, it could be game over for all of us. Besides, don't you think teleporting in a public place is a little weird?

FARKLE: He has a point. I know exactly where we can go to test your scientific prowess.

ZAY: Just to make sure, you're still sending me to Vegas, right? Because I wasn't playing when I said that.

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and Buster are watching TV that same day._

SPARKY: Wait a minute, Buster. Did you say that RK and Wade are in New York City right now?

BUSTER: Yeah, I did. About ten minutes ago.

SPARKY: I'm sorry, I just realized you talked. But whatever the case may be, we have to find out why.

BUSTER: Now you see what I saw. Those two clowns came here to my house with their magic powers, and now they're in the Big Apple. We have to stop them!

SPARKY: Wait...Buster, that's it! The teleportation device!

BUSTER: The what?

SPARKY: Wade must have completed his teleporter and now he's traveling back and forth with RK. That's why they were there earlier. We can use the teleporter to find them!

BUSTER: Sparky, that's genius! At least you're on board. Not like Jaylynn who just wants to shower.

SPARKY: Yeah, you never interrupt Jaylynn when she's cleaning herself. She gets really cranky.

BUSTER: Oh.

SPARKY: Yeah.

SCENE 8

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Basement

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and Buster are staring down the teleportation device._

SPARKY: You know, I question how much free time Wade has to build this stuff.

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm worried. What if we end up breaking Wade's toy? Then we'll never find him and RK and they'll be stuck in New York City forever!

SPARKY: I mean, air travel does exist, Buster. But we have to take that risk. I'm sick of RK and Wade going on these crazy adventures that we never get involved in. I mean, I can be crazy too. I can be reckless. The other day, there was some expired yogurt in the fridge...ate it anyway.

BUSTER: That's insane!

SPARKY: Yup, but it happened.

SCENE 9

Abigail Adams High School

Interior Boy's Bathroom

New York, New York

 _Farkle, Lucas, Smackle, and Zay lead RK and Wade into the boys' bathroom._

FARKLE: Okay, Wade. If you're really skilled enough to successfully complete the art of teleportation, you can prove it here.

WADE: Farkle, are you sure it's a good idea to do it here?

FARKLE: Very few people come in here anyway. Except for the janitor with the lazy eye that doesn't know what time it is.

RK: If we're all going to be crowded in here like this, then Smackle has to go.

SMACKLE: I agree with RK. I shall be the lookout. I will be as invasive and annoying as the North American raccoon on common household trash.

FARKLE: Ugh, I love it when you bring up animal facts.

ZAY: Farkle, there are kids here. Keep your hormones in check.

LUCAS: Okay, let's just try this teleporter thing before Riley and Maya wonder where we are.

 _Smackle leaves the room while the boys head into a nearby stall._

RK: Oh God, five boys trapped in a stall? This shit has to be an after school special.

WADE: Alright, guys, stand back and look alive. Time to take us all to Seattle and back here.

 _Cut to Jaylynn watching TV and the kids suddenly appearing in the house._

LUCAS: Wait, this is Seattle?

ZAY: There aren't a whole lot of non-white people who live here, right?

RK: My mom says it was much worse in the nineties.

JAYLYNN: What the f*** is this shit?

FARKLE: Um, who's that?

WADE: Just ignore her.

RK: Yeah, and don't stare into her eyes too long or you'll disintegrate. She's known to do that.

 _The boys then vanish and a shocked Jaylynn picks up the phone._

JAYLYNN: Hello?

BUSTER: Yeah, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: RK AND WADE HAVE MAGIC POWERS!

BUSTER: Oh, so now, you want to jump on the bandwagon?

 _The boys then reappear in the bathroom stall._

LUCAS: Okay, that was insane. You really did teleport to Riley's!

FARKLE: I can't believe this. Everything I knew about science has been a lie. I mean, did Tesla even invent his high voltage coil?

WADE: Farkle, I don't think it's a big deal.

FARKLE: No, it is, man. You've ruined science for me! I can't even do my laugh anymore. _Farkle takes a deep breath._ Hah?

LUCAS: You haven't been able to do that in a really long time.

FARKLE: What's wrong with still giving it a try?

 _Cut to Smackle outside the bathroom talking to a boy._

SMACKLE: So those slacks, you got them from Old Navy or what?

BOY: Will you get out of my face and let me use the frigging bathroom?

SMACKLE: Only if you can answer the following trivia question. Who invented the periodic table in 1869?

BOY: I don't know or care!

SMACKLE: Well, there are other bathrooms downstairs. Why don't you use them instead?

SCENE 10

The Matthews Household

Interior Living Room

New York, New York

 _Auggie is drawing aggressively in his coloring book, which attracts Cory and Topanga's attention while they clear the kitchen table._

CORY: What's wrong with the little guy?

TOPANGA: I don't know. You should talk to him.

CORY: Why me? You're his mother. You birthed him!

TOPANGA: Well, you're his father. You're the biggest male influence he has, and Cory, this marriage is an equal partnership so the last thing I need is another way for you to get out of your fatherly duties!

 _Beat._

CORY: They _want_ you to take the rolls!

TOPANGA: What?

CORY: Undapants?

TOPANGA: Just go.

 _Cory slowly walks towards Auggie, who rips out a page from his book._

CORY: Hey bubba, what's with the aggression?

AUGGIE: Dad, you know women better than I do. How do you make them listen?

CORY: Well, that's just it, Auggie. You can't. Never. You're under their thumb the minute you cut that cake.

AUGGIE: Lucky for me, I'm not marrying Ava any time soon.

CORY: Why? What's wrong with Ava?

AUGGIE: She thinks I don't like her anymore because of the way I drank my milk during her story. And I just think, "Babe, the right amount of dairy is necessary for my life." And I told her that.

CORY: So what did she say?

AUGGIE: She tossed my milk on me! I tried to explain to her I cared about her story, but she wouldn't listen. I'm just getting rid of my stress creatively.

CORY: Look, Auggie, you can't make your woman listen to you. I remember when Topanga wouldn't listen to me about this girl named Lauren. See, she wanted to test my feelings for Lauren by having us go on a date. I liked Lauren but I loved your mom. But she said that because I had to see Lauren, she couldn't forgive me for kissing Lauren at the ski lodge. And we broke up.

AUGGIE: That story really doesn't help me at all, Dad.

CORY: To an extent, it doesn't.

AUGGIE: So why tell it to me?

CORY: Because referencing my past is the one of the few ways I understand the world.

 _At that point, RK, Wade, and the guys teleport into the living room._

LUCAS: Wait, so out of all the places we could have gone, we end up at Riley's.

RK: You know, you're really starting to piss me off.

CORY: Guys, what are you doing here? Class is on Monday, in my classroom, where I teach. Who are these kids? What's going on here? I need to figure out my life.

WADE: I'm Wade and this is my best friend RK. We're just going through a little trip. Nothing scientific to be suspicious about.

FARKLE: Okay, that just creates suspicion!

CORY: How did you guys appear out of nowhere like that?

RK: We go to the same dermatologist as David Blaine.

TOPANGA: Cory, what's wrong? What are you guys doing here?

ZAY: Is it me, or was coming here more trouble than it was worth?

CORY: These guys appeared out of nowhere and I wanna know how! I might teach history, but this is impossible!

FARKLE: Nothing's impossible, Mr. Matthews.

CORY: Hey Feeny...nothing's impossible! Yeah, that did happen!

RK: Wade, seriously, what the hell is going on here?

WADE: I can't make heads or tails of it myself.

TOPANGA: You guys have to excuse Cory. He stays stuck in 1998.

CORY: I'm going to go live with Shawnie.

TOPANGA: Yeah, I'm sure your love-ah would love to have you home even though he's traveling right now.

 _Beat._

CORY: I love you, woman.

TOPANGA: I'm starting to grow fond of you too.

 _Cory and Topanga start kissing when Wade uses the teleportation remote to send them all away. The remote inexplicably falls to the floor, which Auggie notices. They are then transported back to the bathroom stall._

RK: Great, we're stuck here again.

WADE: Seriously, what was with Cory and his wife?

FARKLE: I don't know. They usually tone down the PDA in front of students.

LUCAS: Guys, don't tell Riley, but I kinda have a crush on Mrs. Matthews.

ZAY: You're not alone, Lucas.

 _Beat._

LUCAS: Why did you say it like that?

SCENE 11

Topanga's

Interior Booth

New York, New York

 _Riley and Maya are in their chairs looking frustrated._

RILEY: I don't get it. Where is everybody?

MAYA: Do you want me to kill Huckleberry for you?

RILEY: I told you to stop calling him that.

MAYA: Well, it's either that or Ranger Rick. You can't have it your way.

RILEY: Hey, you think RK and Wade ditched us?

MAYA: Who?

RILEY: The little boys we met earlier?

MAYA: What little boys?

RILEY: RK and Wade! The ones with the teleporter?

MAYA: Oh yeah, those guys. You know, I'm absolutely terrible with remembering names.

RILEY: You didn't remember them at all.

MAYA: I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH SPACE IN MY HEAD.

RILEY: We should probably just call Lucas and the others.

 _At that point, Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn end up appearing in the bakery._

BUSTER: Aw, nuts! We ended up in a strip club!

SPARKY: This isn't a strip club, it's a diner.

JAYLYNN: It looks like a half-completed library to me.

MAYA: Hey, are you guys friends with RK and Wade?

BUSTER: Why? You know where they are? DO YOU HAVE THEM LOCKED UP IN YOUR CHAMBERS?!

RILEY: Hey, I don't appreciate being accused of things like that.

MAYA: We just want to know if you guys know where RK and Wade are.

SPARKY: No, we don't. We just teleported here.

JAYLYNN: How do you even know them?

RILEY: They teleported here. Wait, is teleportation a Seattle thing? Are you guys time travelers?

BUSTER: No, we just have very absurd lives. I'm Buster.

SPARKY: I'm Sparky.

JAYLYNN: And I'm Jaylynn.

MAYA: I'm Maya, and this...

RILEY: I want to introduce myself!

 _Beat._

MAYA: Fine.

RILEY: And I'm Riley! Welcome, strangers!

SPARKY: Look, we don't have time for shtick. Could you just let us know the last place you saw RK and Wade?

MAYA: Well, they were in Riley's room. Then they said they were coming here but they just abandoned us. Kinda like my dad.

BUSTER: Okay?

JAYLYNN: You have daddy problems too?!

SPARKY: You know what? Why don't I just call RK?

 _Cut to a shot of the bathroom stall, which the boys are stuck in._

LUCAS: Farkle, you don't have to breathe on me like that.

FARKLE: It's not me!

ZAY: Sorry, Lucas, I'm claustrophobic.

RK: Would you guys shut up? I mean, would everyone just shut the f*** up? You're going to get us all exposed.

FARKLE: I think two of us could have just went in the other stalls.

WADE: Look, as long as we keep quiet for the next five minutes, we'll be fine.

 _"...To Be Loved" by Papa Roach, RK's ringtone, starts playing._

LUCAS: Who still listens to Papa Roach?

RK: It's my phone, sorry.

WADE: Ugh, RK...

FARKLE: Way to go, RK.

ZAY: If someone thinks there's some backdoor shenanigans going on here, I'm blaming it on RK.

RK: It's a damn ringtone! What am I supposed to do with it, shoot at it and make sure it goes away?

ZAY: Probably.

 _RK picks up the phone._

RK: RKJ here, what it do?

SPARKY: RK, we used Wade's teleporter and we're in New York City with some girls named Riley and Maya. Where are you guys? They say they know you.

RK: We're being held hostage at the local high school. A bunch of members of ISIS are going to cut off our thumbs if their demands aren't met!

SPARKY: Wait, seriously?

RK: No, I just made that up and I honestly don't know why. We're stuck in the bathroom stall here at Abigail Adams High. We wanted to show Riley and Maya's friends how we were able to teleport.

SPARKY: Why are you stuck in a bathroom stall with other people?

RK: Because we're worried that if we leave, someone will see us and steal Wade's teleporter remote.

SPARKY: So it's like your dream with the ghosts eating Campbell's soup?

RK: No, that was different. We just need to get out of here soon.

SPARKY: Okay, we're on the way. _Sparky hangs up._ Alright, RK and Wade and all your friends are stuck in the bathroom stall at Abigail Adams High. We have to go there and make sure no one gets a hold of Wade's remote.

MAYA: Wait, we have to take the train to school on a weekend? Oh no, what has my life come to?

JAYLYNN: Hey Maya, I know this sounds weird, but you talk just like my friend Sarah Bennett.

MAYA: I do?

BUSTER: I don't hear it.

SPARKY: They sound nothing alike.

JAYLYNN: Are we seriously doing this right now? Wait, hang on a minute.

 _Jaylynn calls up Sarah and the phone starts ringing._

SARAH: Yeah, what's up, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Sarah, you're never gonna believe this, but I found a girl that sounds just like you.

SARAH: What? Stop playing around.

JAYLYNN: No, it's true. You need to hear this.

 _Jaylynn hands Maya the phone._

MAYA: Hello?

SARAH: Wait, who are you?

MAYA: I'm Maya Hart, who are you?

SARAH: I'm Sarah Bennett, why do you have my voice?

MAYA: Why do you have mine? Give it back!

SARAH: I can't give back a voice, you weirdo.

MAYA: Well, you're going to hear from my lawyers!

 _Maya hangs up the phone and gives it back to Jaylynn._

MAYA: I don't really have legal representation.

JAYLYNN: I figured that.

SCENE 12

Abigail Adams High School

Interior Bathroom

New York, New York

 _The boys are still trapped in the stall._

ZAY: Okay, this is getting ridiculous. We're hiding in here for absolutely nothing now.

LUCAS: Yeah. Look, guys, I know you're afraid of getting caught, but you have nothing to worry about. These bathrooms are almost like ghost towns.

FARKLE: No! In the name of science, I say we make sure RK and Wade's property is safe. Isn't that what Mr. Matthews would teach us?

 _Cut to a flashback of Cory teaching his history class._

CORY: What are you going to do for someone else? Are you just going to let them fall through the cracks? Or will you stand up for them? Will you protect them and save them from danger, like a mother protecting her young? People change people, guys. Secret of life.

 _RK is then shown in the classroom raising his hand._

CORY: Yes, you there.

RK: Why are you teaching us this in a history class?

CORY: Because the school board doesn't pay me enough to teach from their stupid curriculum. Any more questions?

RK: Yeah, do you actually know what you're talking about when you're making these speeches? Or do you just like to hear the sound of your own voice?

CORY: Wait, who are you anyway? Do you even go to this school?

 _RK gets nervous and runs out of the classroom. Cut to the present day._

LUCAS: Why was RK in the...

FARKLE: I don't know. I don't understand anything about these people.

 _Cut to Sparky, Buster, Jaylynn, Riley, and Maya arriving at the bathroom door._

RILEY: Smackle, why are all the guys stuck in the bathroom?

SMACKLE: To protect the integrity of Wade's scientific landmark.

JAYLYNN: Oh, you're that person, aren't you?

MAYA: Look, they're fine. We can just go in there, get them out, and just...I don't know, do life stuff with them.

SMACKLE: Who are these guys?

SPARKY: We're friends of RK and Wade's. We'll go in there and make sure no one sees the teleporter as we leave.

BUSTER: Yeah. And then we'll find out the real reason behind RK and Wade's magic powers.

SPARKY: Buster, there are no magic powers. RK and Wade teleported here, remember?

SMACKLE: I see you're of below average intelligence. Here's a pack of napkins. Play with it.

 _Smackle passes Buster a pack of napkins._

BUSTER: Why does everyone treat me like this when I'm on vacation?

 _Riley hears something from her pocket._

MAYA: Riles, what's going on?

RILEY: Oh, I must have pocket dialed Uncle Josh.

JOSHUA: Hey, you've reached Joshua Matthews, the accidental baby. Remember to leave a message and all lives matter!

 _A beeping sound is heard._

RILEY: What a bizarre outgoing message.

 _Sparky and Buster walk into the bathroom and approach the stall._

SPARKY: RK, Wade, other people, it's us. We're here to get you out.

LUCAS: Why are you guys acting like we're locked in here against our will? We could have left twenty minutes ago!

WADE: I'm not having just anybody look at this remote.

FARKLE: I wonder if there's a future for me outside of science.

ZAY: You could always be a male model or something.

FARKLE: No, I'm too insecure about my body. That's why I use a bathing suit to shower.

 _The guys leave the bathroom stall._

BUSTER: Well, I'm glad that's over.

WADE: Yeah, me too. Even though I don't appreciate you guys coming into my home and using my personal machine, I guess all's well if it ends well. Let me just wash my hands first.

 _Wade goes to the sink while Sparky and Buster stare down Farkle, Lucas, and Zay._

ZAY: Lucas, why are they eyeballing us like that?

LUCAS: I don't know. They're trying to kill us?

 _Beat._

LUCAS: Why can't I say something off-kilter for once?

SPARKY: I don't know. I can't put my finger on it, but you guys look really familiar.

BUSTER: Yeah, it's like we've seen you before.

FARKLE: That's so weird. I feel the same way about you guys!

SPARKY: Interesting.

RK: I'm in the middle here so I really don't give a shit how this goes.

 _Cut to the girls outside._

JAYLYNN: Wait, so you two spent almost a year waiting for some guy to make a decision on who to date?

RILEY: Yeah, it was sweet. It was a test of our friendship.

JAYLYNN: Riley, that's hustling backwards. Who thinks like that?

SMACKLE: When you put a dominant male in a situation exclusively involving females, the result is inevitable.

MAYA: Hey, can you pocket dial Uncle Boing again?

RILEY: Maya, there's a kid here. Cool it.

MAYA: Please, she looks like she's seen it all. She probably wants to know why I call Josh Uncle Boing.

JAYLYNN: I actually don't want to know. At all.

SCENE 13

Topanga's

Interior Booth

New York, New York

 _The kids are all having muffins and coffee together._

SPARKY: And then RK actually shaved his own head.

ZAY: Wait, I thought the rules were that Manny had to do it.

LUCAS: No, dude, remember? They said that Manny ripped up the contract.

ZAY: Oh yeah. So RK, how long did it take for your hair to grow back?

RK: Eh, about a week or so.

FARKLE: That's biologically impossible. Your hair could never grow back that fast.

RK: Shut up and don't question it. It happened.

RILEY: You know, guys, this has been such a great day.

MAYA: Yeah, I like how none of your guys watch your mouths.

WADE: Well, guys, in some weird way, it was fun for us too. I got to give my teleporter a great test run.

BUSTER: It wasn't fun for me. Smackle gave me a pack of napkins to play with for being stupid.

FARKLE: Smackle?!

SMACKLE: My former arch-nemesis, part of having superior intellect is looking down on those with inferior intellect.

FARKLE: Yeah, that's true. That's probably why I like to refer to Lucas and Zay as Beavis and Butthead.

LUCAS: You've never called us that.

FARKLE: I mean, ladies.

RILEY: No.

MAYA: Nope.

FARKLE: Yeah, no.

WADE: Well, we would love to hang out some more, but this is the end of our adventure.

RK: And then we never come back to New York, right?

WADE: Eh, let's not make any promises here.

JAYLYNN: It was cool meeting you guys.

MAYA: Hey, wait, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Yeah?

MAYA: I feel like we made a real connection today.

JAYLYNN: We didn't really talk like that.

MAYA: Well, I feel like we have something. We come from broken homes, we're artistic, we both hate people.

JAYLYNN: It's true. People do annoy the crap out of me.

MAYA: I want you to have this.

 _Maya gives Jaylynn a pamphlet._

JAYLYNN: _10 Ways to Eat a Burrito_? Is this...is this real?

MAYA: Yeah, it is. I read it six times and it changed my life. I want you to have it.

 _Jaylynn's eyes fill up with tears._

JAYLYNN: I think we really did make a connection today.

RK: Okay, everyone get one last good look at this place because we're never coming here again.

 _The gang looks at RK with concern._

RK: I'm just joking, guys. Don't sweat it. _*to Wade*_ I'm dead serious.

WADE: Okay, let's get this show on the r...

 _Wade gets worried while looking for his remote._

WADE: Oh no. No, no, dammit, this is not happening.

BUSTER: Wade, what's going on?

WADE: I can't find my teleportation remote!

RK: Wade, we have to get home by tonight! I can't miss _America's Funniest Home Videos_. Alfonso Ribeiro is a national treasure and I wanna preserve him!

WADE: I think I left the remote at school.

BUSTER: At iCarly? How?

SMACKLE: Do you want a second pack of napkins?

RK: Wait, you're telling me that now any average punk can teleport every which way? What part of the game is that?

WADE: You know what? This is okay. It's just fine. All we have to do is go back to Abigail Adams and get the remote from the bathroom. Or maybe the lost and found no one bothers to look in after a week or two.

RK: Right, a reconnaissance mission! Alright, we're going to need to trim the fat. Riley, Lucas, Farkle, Smackle, you gotta sit this one out. That evens out things between us groups.

WADE: No, it doesn't! It's still five to two!

RK: Well, in that case, Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn can stay back here. That just leaves us two, Maya, and Zay.

LUCAS: How come they get to go and we can't?

RK: Because they piss me off the least. Plus, with them here, it creates the dream team.

ZAY: This is the first time in my life that I've ever felt special. Ha, in your faces!

JAYLYNN: You want to do something about it?

ZAY: Oh, no way, little girl. You look like you have the hands. I'm not falling down that rabbit hole a fourth time.

SCENE 14

Abigail Adams High School

Interior Hallway

New York, New York

 _RK, Wade, Maya, and Zay walk into the school and look around for anybody passing by._

WADE: Okay, this is a very simple concept. RK and I will grab the remote while you two play lookouts.

MAYA: I officially hate you guys for making me come to school twice on a Saturday.

RK: Hey, you think we like using public transportation for everything? Thank God we have our own cars.

ZAY: Wait, you guys are little kids and you already know how to drive? That's it, when I graduate high school, I'm moving to Seattle.

WADE: Alright, let's move.

 _RK and Wade run towards the bathroom while Maya and Zay walk slowly._

MAYA: I feel bad for Riley. She's so alone.

ZAY: Can't she take care of herself? Besides, it's not like she needs to be around you 24/7.

 _Cut to the others at Topanga's._

RILEY: This is the longest I've ever been away from Maya.

SPARKY: Riley, it's been less than twenty minutes.

 _Cut back to Maya and Zay standing guard at the bathroom._

ZAY: So are we still going to the movies or what?

MAYA: Oh, you still wanted to go? I didn't think you cared about that.

ZAY: I thought you were still into it!

MAYA: I am, but...can't we just watch a movie on TNT and be done with it?

 _Beat._

ZAY: You know what? That saves money. We're going to do your thing.

 _RK and Wade run out of the bathroom._

WADE: It's gone! We checked all over!

ZAY: Did you even...

RK: Yes, we even dunk our hands in the toilet. Not the place where everyone goes, but up top with the lid and whatnot.

MAYA: Ewwww.

RK: Grow up, will you? We did what we had to.

WADE: RK, I can't accept this. This is one of the best things I ever made and now it's gone.

RK: It's not gone yet. We're down but not out. We just have to retrace our steps. Wait a minute! Zay, didn't we all teleport to the Matthews place?

ZAY: Right, we did. That's where you left it, Wade!

WADE: Are you sure? It seems kinda farfetched. I'm usually a lot more careful with things like that.

RK: Well, it's our last hope. Come on! We've gotta get that remote before those weird people try to mess with it!

SCENE 14

The Matthews Household

Interior Riley's Bedroom

New York, New York

 _Auggie is checking out the remote as he sits by the bay window. RK, Wade, Maya, and Zay climb through the fire escape into the room._

RK: I got it! Guys, the baby has it!

MAYA: Wait, why are we still following them? They don't need us.

ZAY: Maya, we're the dream team. Stop being so negative.

AUGGIE: I'm not the baby. I'm already this many.

RK: That's all well and good, but you should know what time it is. It's time to get your stuff pushed in.

WADE: Alright, kid, hand it over.

AUGGIE: I love this toy, I'm never giving it away. Today, I used it and saw a dancing alarm clock in a bathrobe!

RK: He wasn't drunk, was he?

AUGGIE: How would I know?

WADE: Look, buddy, that remote is for professional teleportation purposes anyway. You can't use a machine like that, it requires highly skilled people to manage.

AUGGIE: Okay.

 _Auggie tosses Wade the remote and walks towards the door._

MAYA: Wait, that's it? You're not going to give them the runaround?

AUGGIE: I could, but they seemed so desperate. Besides, I have to call Ava.

 _Auggie leaves the room._

WADE: RK, are you ready to go home?

RK: No shit, I'm ready. Hey, you guys ever been out of Manhattan?

ZAY: Lucas and I went to the Bronx a few times. I can't go back there.

WADE: Why not?

ZAY: I told a Yankees fan that the Rangers were the better team. Next thing I know, I was walking into McDonald's with no pants on.

SCENE 15

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _The guys are watching TV on the couch._

JAYLYNN: Well, that was a weird trip to New York.

SPARKY: You're telling me. Those kids were really odd. You notice how Riley was talking about life every few minutes? What was up with that? People don't talk like that.

JAYLYNN: I'm glad you told her to stop.

BUSTER: I thought Riley was cute.

RK: That's because she was your age. But I have to admit, Wade, that was strangely fun.

WADE: It was. For the first time that I can remember, something I made didn't backfire or have unintended consequences. Maybe Riley and Maya and the rest will come here one day.

SPARKY: I don't know, man. I think the door is closing on them doing stuff like that.

WADE: Yeah, you might be right.

 _An awkward silence appears for a few seconds. RK looks up at the camera._

RK: What? The show's over, go away. Goodbye, America! You have until the fall to get your shit together!

 _Cut to black._

 _("Exhibit C" by Jay Electronica plays in the end credits)_

 _The Michael Jacobs Productions and It's a Laugh Productions logos are then shown on the screen, with the trademark guitar music playing in the background._

 _*voiceover*_ RK: Wait, how much of the budget did we blow for that?

©2017 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

 _Girl Meets World characters appear courtesy of Michael Jacobs and Disney Channel._

NEW EPISODES BEGIN ON SEPTEMBER 24


	2. Girl Meets the Express Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 5/25/17)_

-With this episode, season five is now officially the longest season in the history of the series.

-So, how the hell did I even think of this episode? Well, I have to take it from the beginning. This crossover was actually supposed to happen back in season three, as a response to all of the crossovers that were happening at the time. I didn't initially plan out season three with this episode in mind, but I came up with it as a replacement for an episode that was meant to pick up where "The Time Machine" ( _#TYH228_ ) left off. In this episode, RK and Wade end up traveling through a parallel dimension where they meet Riley and Maya in New York City. They meet Cory and Topanga while also deciding to help Riley as it pertained to her situation with Lucas. I started writing the script in the fall of 2014 and it was set for either November 2 or November 9. However, I got bored with it at some point and decided not to do it.

-I kept the idea in mind but I wasn't really crazy about doing it, since it involved merging with a show that was completely different in terms of storytelling and characters and tone. Plus, this show was evolving and becoming a bit more sophisticated so I felt like a crossover would end up being a train wreck. However, when I was working on season five, I thought about doing it again. I knew the crossover would be a lot better in 2017 than it would have been in 2014 due to both shows having improved. Also, it was looking like _Girl Meets World_ was on the brink of cancellation (which ended up happening) so it could be like a swan song for that show. I decided to give it another try, and at one point, planned for it to come on January 22 when the show returned from winter break. However, the timing wasn't right and I was dealing with other episodes so I held it off. I then decided to make it the season finale because nothing else could have been bigger, and paired "Reality Bites III" with it as a lead-in to make it more special.

-I knew that this episode would be the season finale for a couple months so I hinted at it in previous episodes like "The Valentine's Dance" and "The Greatest Party That Never Happened." Wade was slowly building his teleportation device as the weeks went by which led to this episode. It was great because I was able to build up to this episode and actually deliver on it.

-Even back in season three, I knew that RK, Wade, Riley, and Maya would be the most prominent characters in the episode. However, I made some changes like including Zay and Smackle (characters that wouldn't have appeared originally), expanding Lucas and Farkle's roles, and shortening Cory and Topanga's. Also, I'm not sure if Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn were even going to appear in the 2014 version.

-In the original episode, RK and Wade knew exactly who Riley and Maya were. However, part of doing a crossover is seeing what happens when the characters interact with each other for the very first time. Since I had already made references to _Girl Meets World_ in the past (to the point of even making a meta joke about the crossover not happening), I was debating whether or not RK and Wade should know about Riley and Maya. I decided to have them be unaware because it would be a lot funnier and cut down on the snarky jokes that I would have written otherwise. RK reacting to Riley's quirks wouldn't have been anywhere near as funny if he already knew she was a TV character.

-I tried doing what I could to take the piss out of both shows (RK getting annoyed by almost all of the kids, Smackle giving Buster a pack of napkins to play with, Farkle understanding nothing about RK and Wade). I didn't want it to be one-sided, but I think _Thank You, Heavenly_ ended up taking more shots.

-At one point, I was really considering making this a two-part episode, but there wasn't enough story for that to happen. Most of the episode is just seeing how both shows collide with one another, and the teleporter was just a plot device to make sure it took place.

-I don't think the episode was perfect, but I was really only trying to make sure I got the crossover aspect down. I just wanted to see what would happen if these two different shows, a prime-time adult animated series and a live-action coming of age kids show, met for the first time and how they would feel about each other. I don't have any future plans to do more crossovers, and if I do, it won't be an official episode of the show. It will have more of a standard story format. Either way, I'm glad I was able to do this before it was too late.

-Buster yelling at Sparky that they have to get Ja Rule on the phone is a reference to a bit from Dave Chappelle's 2004 comedy special _Dave Chappelle: For What It's Worth_.

-Riley using her whistle on RK and Wade is a reference to the _Girl Meets World_ episode "Girl Meets Mister Squirrels" where she uses the same whistle on her uncle Eric (who was dressed as his persona Plays With Squirrels).

-When talking to RK on the phone, Buster references _In Living Color_ character Homey D. Clown's catchphrase ("Homey don't play that!").

-Lucas not being sure if he could say that he's Riley's boyfriend is a reference to the love triangle storyline that _Girl Meets World_ introduced in season two also involving Maya. It wasn't resolved until season three when Lucas chose to be with Riley, and for several episodes afterwards, it was never acknowledged that they were dating.

-Farkle tries to perform his trademark laugh that he did all the time in season one of _Girl Meets World_ , but is unable to not only because of his shock that Wade created a fully functional teleportation device, but also due to Corey Fogelmanis' voice changing after season one.

-In his one scene, Cory makes references to four _Boy Meets World_ episodes: "Breaking Up Is Really, Really Hard to Do" ("They _want_ you to take the rolls!"), "Hogs and Kisses" ("Undapants?"), "The Eskimo" ("Hey Feeny...nothing's impossible!"), and "Torn Between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool)" with the story he tells Auggie. This is poking fun at _Girl Meets World_ 's habit to make references to _Boy Meets World_ , the original show it was spun off from.

-One of the first jokes I came up with was Jaylynn pointing out that Maya and Sarah sound the same, due to Sabrina Carpenter portraying both characters. It was a really, really easy joke to make out of all the jokes I could have made in this episode, but I knew I had to make it.

-One of my favorite jokes in the whole episode was Farkle's cutaway, because it's never explained how or why RK appeared in it and I never made it clear if RK even knows he was in it.

-Joshua's outgoing message is a reference to the Uriah Shelton (Joshua's actor) situation last year where he was criticized for his apparent support of All Lives Matter on social media.

-Maya and Zay's conversation while standing guard is a reference to the _Girl Meets World_ episode "Girl Meets Bear" where Zay asks out Maya near the end of the episode. While she accepts, it is never acknowledged again.

-I actually didn't know how to end the episode at all because I was focusing a lot more on the jokes than the story. That's why when I decided to have Wade lose the remote at Riley's place, I went back and wrote the scene where the boys initially appear in the living room.

-Originally, Zay was going to talk about getting his head crushed by a shoe. It was then going to lead to Cory yelling Shawn's name, Topanga saying that Shawn was still traveling, Cory referencing another _Boy Meets World_ episode, and then telling Topanga that he was bored. However, after I added the previous scene, it was changed.

-Sparky talking about the closing door is a reference to Disney cancelling _Girl Meets World_ back in January, and the recent announcement by creator Michael Jacobs that no new networks were found to pick up the show for a fourth season.

-RK's last line is kind of a bookend, because he ended the season premiere in a similar fashion welcoming America back to the series. He also makes a reference to "The Heart Part 4" by Kendrick Lamar ("Y'all got 'til April the 7th to get y'all shit together"), swapping out April 7 for this upcoming fall.

-I felt like a song as epic and anticipation building as "Exhibit C" was a fitting way to end the season.


	3. What's Next IV?

_Written 5/26/17; 5/28/17_

-Everything I wrote before got erased somehow and even when I did this again, I forgot to answer the most important question. In December, I wrote in the Backstage Pass of "You're Welcome, Hellish" that this would be the last season on FanFiction. I said that mostly out of frustration because I felt like the show had outgrown this site, there was still no audience for it and being on FanFiction was just causing more harm than good. So, the question is: Where is _Thank You, Heavenly_ moving to this fall? The answer is nowhere because at least for now, the show is staying here.

-I tried finding a new website briefly but I mostly forgot about it and didn't take it seriously. Some of the blame for the show's unpopularity could be put on me because if I'm being honest, all I really do on this site is work on my own stuff. I don't read other people's work at all and since this is a community, not getting my name out there is poisonous. I start thinking about all the time I wasted not doing anything to change that, and I don't know how exactly I plan on changing that, but I know that for season six, _Thank You, Heavenly_ is staying put. I still want to shop around for new homes, but I want to give it at least one more year. Who knows what will happen in 2018?

-When this season was nearing its end, I knew that I was creatively drained and in desperate need of a break. Now that the season's over, all I can think about is my plans for season six. Interestingly enough, that was the same feeling I had at the end of season two. I was originally going to take at least six weeks off from writing just to make sure I was fresh enough, but now I decided to shorten that to just a month. June 26 is when I plan to return to the show and start writing season six. I wanted to start around the same time period I started with season five, and hopefully, I'll be able to get most of the 2017 episodes done by the time September rolls around.

-The weird thing is that unlike previous seasons, season six's first half isn't really set in stone. I mean, I know exactly what the first two episodes are going to be, and I'm going to talk about Halloween in just a bit, but some of the episodes I scheduled are interchangeable and don't need to be written any time soon. I'll figure it out in the summer, because this is just a case of me needing to decide what episodes I really want to do.

-Last year, I had a lot of fun writing the Halloween episodes. It felt like the structure of the show was looser and I could be a little more out there with what was going on. I never planned to do a Halloween episode every season, it was just something that happened naturally unlike the Super Bowl episode for instance. But because of the success I had last summer, I want to continue going on this path. Next season, there will definitely be another Halloween doubleheader. The first episode isn't really set up yet, but I just know I want to reference a bunch of horror movies and TV shows in it. I have a Halloween episode that I tried writing this season but gave up on it. I'm hoping that it could be the second episode next season, but anything could happen.

-After breaking the record for longest season, I don't plan on doing that many episodes for a while, or ever again. I know I have to scale it back for season six so my goal is 22 episodes, but if there's more, I don't want to go past 26. I believe there will be more 2017 episodes than 2018 episodes.

-I want to do another Thanksgiving episode. It works because this is the third one and they seem to come every other year, but other than me saying "Thanksgiving episode," I don't have anything else. I feel like "My Thanksgiving with the CimFam" really set the bar high because of how different it was from most episodes I've done, and I don't see any future Thanksgiving episodes getting that weird. I'm also interested in doing new Christmas/New Year's episodes. If it does happen, it will mark the first time since season two that I was able to pull off a Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's episode in the same season.

-I might end up collaborating with someone else next season. If it happens, it will be the first time I ever have a co-writer on an episode. The person I want to work with is one of the very few I trust with something like this and I think it will be fun to see the show from someone else's perspective.

-There will be at least one episode that plays with the format of the show in season six. I know exactly what that episode will be, but I'm not spoiling anything.

-Some episode ideas that I tried to do in seasons three and four or never got to do because of procrastination/writer's block will probably pop up next season. I'm a lot more willing to give episodes a chance now and get them done instead of just abandoning them completely and pretending they never happened.

-I already have an idea for the premiere of season seven. Yeah, I know, one step at a time, but it doesn't hurt to think about it.

-Okay, here are the dates for potential 2017 episodes in season six. Remember, everything is subject to change:

 _September 24 (season premiere)_

 _October 1_

 _October 8_

 _October 15_

 _October 22_

 _October 29 (Halloween doubleheader)_

 _November 12_

 _November 19_

 _November 26_

 _December 3_

 _December 10_

 _December 17_


	4. Season 5 Retrospective

_Written 5/26/17; 5/27/17; 5/28/17_

-It's really scary how quickly time moves. On May 26, 2016, season four wasn't even done yet and I was scrambling trying to finish what I could. A year later, and I've done 116 episodes of the series. What the hell is going on here?

-I know I've mentioned this before, but what happened with season four was really disappointing. I felt like I wasn't pushing myself enough, I felt unsatisfied with what I had done. I knew there were a lot more stories to tell and I hadn't really felt accomplished with a season in a while. In terms of productivity, season five was the best season I have ever done. I did literally everything I set out to do. I started the season early with two episodes, came back a month later with two more. I did more than one Halloween episode for the first time, along with bringing back the Christmas and New Year's shows. The 100th episode came in November just like I planned, I was able to release episodes held over from the previous season. I did the most cover episodes in one season and I liked all three of them. And I had my first ever crossover. All of this was done by May 21. For the first time in a long time, I was able to do everything I wanted with the show. I couldn't have done it better.

-The quality of the show more or less stayed the same to me. I remember saying last year that the show was at a point where it just had to maintain consistency, and that ended up being the case here. For some reason, despite all the work I had to do early on, I felt really motivated to continue this time. Setting goals for myself really helped things move along quicker. This season, I was able to do more rewrites than ever before. I actually gave myself the time to do multiple drafts of an episode and take out things I didn't like, unlike previous seasons where a lot of what I came up with originally stayed in the episode. "KWWE," for example, was a way better episode due to rewriting it.

-I think this was the season where I wanted the kids to start acting more like actual kids. I became more conscious of that because with a lot of other shows, they write the kids really old and make them act just like teenagers/adults. I also do that from time to time, but I have to keep in mind that these are children at the end of the day. "The Greatest Party That Never Happened," for example, feels like something my friends and I would have went through when we were kids. You know, minus drowning alarm clocks in the sink. Part of the show's charm comes from the fact that these are kids seeing things like an adult sometimes would, and I want to continue to emphasize that aspect of the characters in season six.

-I'm going to try and cut back on the meta jokes. I think they're funny, but I don't want it to start becoming a crutch. I love fourth wall humor, but how many more reminders does someone need that these kids are on a TV show?

-I'm glad I was able to get "The Valentine's Dance" and "Dumb's the Word" done for season five. A lot of the time with these episodes, I would just toss the idea out whenever I couldn't finish it but this season really made me look at how much that doesn't benefit me. I tried giving scripts more of a second chance this time, and I feel like they turned out better than they would have in season four.

-The idea of taking main plots, turning them into subplots, and merging them with plots I had saved up wasn't something I tried to do. But it worked well with "Young Black Prepubescents" so trying it again with "Buster Plays the Field" made me realize how much this technique can help me out in the future. It really made the episodes more interesting to work on and I hope to continue using this technique next season.

-One thing I love doing with _Thank You, Heavenly_ is making sure every main character gets screen time. It helps the show feel more like an ensemble and allows each character to shine. However, this season, I felt a little more comfortable with having certain characters dominate episodes. "Heterosexuality 101," "The Little Salesman That Couldn't," "The Greatest Party That Never Happened," all of these show that an episode can work well with only one or two characters. I might not make a habit of it, but it's interesting to do every now and again.

-The one major misstep this season that I can't even forgive myself for is the Super Bowl episode. It's not because I thought it sucked, but because it came on the latest possible day and I let time slip away from me. The whole situation felt like I was up to my old tricks and I knew that I should have done better than that.

-If I had to come up with a top five of the season list on the spot, I would go with "Raging Buster," "The Kids of iCarly Elementary v. RK & Jaylynn," "Super Bowl Story Box IV," "The Little Salesman That Couldn't," and "Jaylynn, Anja, and Halley." "The Greatest Party That Never Happened," "KWWE," and "The Blight Before Christmas" deserve an honorable mention. I think "Favor for a Favor for a Favor for a Favor" was the weakest one, with "The Tussauds-Seattle Experience," "Mort & Carl's Man Cave," and "Buster Plays the Field" somewhere in that lower class also. To me, the 2016 half of episodes was definitely stronger than the 2017 half.

-The weirdest episode I did all season was probably "Buster Plays the Field," mostly because of how low key and realistic it was. It was the kind of episode that any old sitcom would do, and it just had this really quiet tone to it unlike a lot of other episodes that have high energy and absurdity. So, it was so normal, it was strange. Ironic.

-In the season four retrospective, I mentioned "The Trouble with Feminists" briefly as just another idea I had that I wasn't crazy about. Interesting how things work out the way they do and I ended up committing to that story.

-I'm glad I was able to resolve the Jaylynn/Anja storyline in "Heterosexuality 101" and now I can focus on them just being two best friends who love each other, without the awkwardness of Jaylynn's crush still lingering.

-Well, I guess that's it. Not much else to add except thank you for tuning into season five of _Thank You, Heavenly_ (for anyone who actually tuned in). At the end of the day, I'm really proud of myself for going the extra mile and doing everything I planned to. No one knows what the future holds, but hopefully, this season set the precedent for better things down the line. Good night and see you again on September 24! :)

 _Thank You, Heavenly Season 5_

 _August 28, 2016 - May 21, 2017_

 _In production from July 5, 2016 - May 21, 2017_

 _29 episodes_

 _SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR GUEST STARS:_

 _Dorien Wilson_

 _Curtis Armstrong_

 _Ephraim Ellis_

 _Kira Kosarin_

 _Frank Gehry_

 _Rodger Bumpass_

 _Alexandra Nechita_

 _Michael Cole_

 _Kevin Owens_

 _Chris Jericho_

 _William Daniels_

 _Corey Burton_

 _Russell Wilson_

 _Ed Asner_

 _Ron Howard_

 _John Madden_

 _Joe Buck_

 _Troy Aikman_

 _Erin Andrews_

 _Chris Myers_

 _Jeff Pescetto_

 _Paul Ben-Victor_

 _Rowan Blanchard_

 _Sabrina Carpenter_

 _Ben Savage_

 _Danielle Fishel_

 _August Maturo_

 _Peyton Meyer_

 _Amir Mitchell-Townes_

 _Corey Fogelmanis_

 _Cecilia Balagot_


End file.
